Questions And Answers: Day-to-day Life / Relatives

How can we have a blissful and cooperative family life and do devotional service?
Questioner: Anon
Date: 2022-08-01
Jayapatākā Swami: If husband and wife, both are devotees then there are many opportunities.
If between the two if one of them is little behind, the other person should be affectionate to him or her and inspire them.
There is no use of using any bad words or being angry, it will simply increase the distance between them.
There are some strategies and techniques where they can get together and read books or chant together.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Sādhanā], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Association (Sādhu-saṅga)], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Cooperation]
How can we preach to our relatives and neighbors who generally think that earning money and caring for the bodily maintenance is the goal of life and that chanting, following spiritual principles, etc. is a waste of time?
Questioner: IYF Māyāpur
Date: 2022-08-03
Jayapatākā Swami: That is what we are doing.
At least they are your relatives, they listen to you.
And you could see what works.
Flattery
or heart to heart talk.
This time there is a pandemic in the world,
people are dying,
people are getting sick.
Maybe you have some relative who got sick.
So it is an opportunity to explain
that while we do our material work,
we have to do some sacrifice for Kṛṣṇa.
Because if we don’t
that is why all this pandemic is there.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Material Sufferings], [Sādhanā / Preaching]
How do we overcome the bondage of material relationships? Why is it sometimes so difficult to overcome family attachment even after chanting the holy names?
Questioner: Jānakī Śantirūpā devī dāsī
Date: 2022-09-22
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Children], [Day-to-day Life / Married life], [Day-to-day Life / Parents], [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Material World]
How to manage bhakti and family relationships at the same time, when they are not devotees?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2023-01-20
Jayapatākā Swami: Very critical,
but you have to think how I can make them devotees.
I met a devotee she was an actress.
She knew the Bhagavad-gītā cover to cover!
But she went to her husband and said, “You are very great, you are very intelligent, please help me!
I cannot understand this verse. Can you help me?”
He read it and that is how he got purified!
It says one daughter-in-law or one devotee in the family can liberate the whole family.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Emotions / Confusion], [Sādhanā], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Cooperation]
If your immediate family like brother or sister are eating nonveg at their home, are we allowed to go to their home and eat there or not eat at their place at all?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2023-09-01
Jayapatākā Swami: My purvāśrama mother wanted to cook for me
but I would not allow that.
She would guide someone with her recipe,
and they would cook.
I don’t know how you do it? I could do that with my purvāśrama mother.
So, if they are children, you can tell them you cook for me all the time, I would like to cook for you.
Oh, very nice!
But if they are not vegetarian then you could just be honest and say you eat only prasāda, you follow the rules.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Emotions / Confusion]
In the material world we have different relationships like brother, sister, father mother, spiritual master, disciple. What kind of relationships are there in the spiritual world?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2023-09-01
Jayapatākā Swami: So, in the spiritual world there are all kinds of relationships.
But Kṛṣṇa is in the center.
And some may be cowherd boys,
gopas, some are parents,
some are gopīs and rāṇīs,
friends of Yaśodā,
and like Vasudeva, he had many wives.
So, Devakī was the mother of Kṛṣṇa,
and the other wives of Vasudeva were stepmothers of Kṛṣṇa.
Just like, King Daśaratha had three wives.
Kauśalyā, was the mother of Rāma
and the other wives were stepmothers.
So we have all kinds of relationships in the spiritual world.
Śrīla Prabhupāda was saying that in Vaikuṇṭha we also have the husband wife,
they may kiss each other,
but they are serving Kṛṣṇa
and they are in their Nārāyaṇa form.
But there is no birth, death, old age or disease in the spiritual world.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Kṛṣṇa (Godhead) / Spiritual World / Dhāma]
Is it not logical to pay attention to family life and material desires while young and energetic, and later take up to the process of devotional service ?
Questioner: Anon
Date: 2022-08-02
Jayapatākā Swami: The point is that, that will, whole thing will depend on how much amount time the person has, theoretically.
Just like when I came here six months ago, then the Hong Kong Dollar was very strong,
but then after the Prime Minister of England went to Beijing [I don’t know Beijing or Beiking whatever they]
and they told so many things like, “Well, if they are all… that the Chinese government said so many things that we may, we may just throw you out, this or that.”
They were exerting some force, for whatever reason.
Now the Hong Kong Dollar uppsh…(gasps).
Like everybody wants to take the money somewhere else, where it is safe.
They are afraid, “What if they do throw us out, then?
We have to have our money somewhere where it, it won’t, it will be safe.”
Because they are thinking that maybe they won’t have so long after all.
Before that they are thinking, it is going get extend, there is no problem.
So, they won’t worry.
But then they became afraid that, “Well, if we don’t have that much time after all, then we better make some arrangement.”
So, it is like that.
People are thinking, “I am young now, so now I should take care of my material things, when I get old, I will take care of the spiritual matters.”
Well, there are two problems there.
The one problem is that, we do not know how long we are going to live.
Of course, in the normal course of events, we will live to old age.
But that is not that everyone lives to old age.
I do not know the percentage of people who die untimely.
But say at least 25% may die.
Actually, I do not know the exact percent, but a good percentage, not an insignificant number, but a good, significant number die at an age which is young.
So that danger is always there, that if we get suddenly evicted from this body then we will have no alter… then we’ll have no hope.
So that would also make us that we should make some preparation even now.
Just like saving money in the bank.
Therefore, showing to put money now in other accounts overseas, just in case, you see.
That is not for sure.
Hong Kong may be able to make some deal later on and stay here, for some time.
But it is for sure that we have to leave the body That’s for sure! There is no definite… I mean, that is definite, sooner or later.
So that’s the one problem we do not know when.
The other problem is that, even say we live till old age, but to do spiritual practices also is not something that can be just done abruptly.
Naturally, we’ve been practiced… it’s not all the sudden.
If someone can do it immediately, that is also a great, good fortune.
It means some great spiritual asset or blessings have been bestowed on that person.
Prahlāda Mahārāja gave the example that his children friends told him also the same thing, “We don’t want to chant, we don’t want to do this yoga, because we want to play now, we are kids.
When we grow old we will do it.”
He told them, “You play like this for the next ten years as children, then after that you will be busy with your school work and other type of play.
Then you are going to be getting into family life, you are going to have children, you will be working hard to make money to maintain your families, to raise your children, in this way you will be all busy with the family life.
Then in your old age, you will be weak and sick, and you won’t have any energy to travel, or to do anything.
And half your life you are spending sleeping anyway.
So where is the time?
Therefore ‘athāto brahma jijñāsā’ you should inquire now, or uh… uh… uh, ‘kaumāra ācaret prājño’ you should start inquiring and preparing yourself even in the kaumāra, even in the childhood.”
Actually, if a person is already 18 or 20 or 25 years old, that means already 18 years was wasted.
That means one quarter of the life is wasted, because we don’t generally live over 80, maximum is 100.
That means 1/4th of the life or more has already been wasted.
How many? Now you want to waste again how many another quarter?
If you waste another quarter, then you will become so engrossed in family affairs that you won’t be able to stop.
That’s why a person has to start practicing yoga either partially or fully from immediate moment.
Take whatever time is already been wasted, you have to make up for that.
If a person starts up at 75 years, that means he has to make up for 75 years of wasted time.
How is that possible? At that time, you are weaker.
At least if you start at 25, that means 25 years were wasted.
So then, At least you have strength enough to try double speed, to make up for lost time.
So generally, we find that you get people either young or old.
Middle age is very hard because they are already so involved in so many material entanglements.
They don’t find any time.
When they are young, they are just in college, or they are out of high school, or they haven’t yet got married, or got deep into the whole family situation, there is a good chance for them to start the good habits of yoga.
Otherwise, at the end of life we get a few, but usually by the end of life they develop so many bad habits even if they want to practice yoga, they don’t… it is too hard for them to learn at an old age.
It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
So, for these two reasons, one is that we don’t know when we are going to die.
Second is that if we keep delaying it, it becomes harder and harder, and we waste more and more time.
For these 2 reasons we should immediately start the practice of yoga, if at all we want to become free from these material problems and achieve spiritual perfection.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Material Sufferings / Death], [Sādhanā]
My family is not allowing me to leave onion and garlic. What should I do?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2023-08-16
Jayapatākā Swami: Breathe on them!
In Google there is a whole article on onion and garlic,
how detrimental it is.
How by taking it one can get all kinds of bad qualities
That is Google.
But also, in the Purāṇas it says that onion and garlic came from the dead carcass of the cow.
By taking onion and garlic one gets the karma of killing cows.
I don’t know which your parents will be more influenced by, the Purāṇas or Google?
Science or theology?
But either way, onion and garlic are very bad.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Sādhanā / Diet]
Some devotees are taking the association of devotees and start to do chanting and enjoying the process of Kṛṣṇa consciousness. But when their relatives or parents say something negative about ISKCON immediately they leave without informing. It is painful for me how I missed the soul to serve. How to understand the situation? How to overcome and guide them? Please guide me.
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2024-02-19
Jayapatākā Swami: Part of preaching is to help the people
to tolerate the different obstacles.
They may encounter obstacles from their relatives,
or internet,
somehow, I don’t know,
some ṛtvik sites they say I murdered a devotee!
I don’t know who that is! I don’t even kill a fly, what to talk about killing a devotee!
So, who knows what people say, what they see?
So we have to be ready to answer any questions that come up
or prepare the people to endure any kind of obstacles.
There was one devotee who was kidnapped by the deprogrammers.
Exactly a few days before she was kidnapped
I called her and encouraged her.
Just generally.
When she was kidnapped, they tore the Bhagavad-gītā up, they jumped up on the Bhagavad-gītā and did all kinds of offensive things.
But she remembered that I was kind to her
and she went through some difficult times
and she escaped from that place
and came back to the devotees.
So, we don’t know at least if we do our part,
be positive, give them good association
and if someone turns away,
the fact that we are there to help, that we ask them what happened, you used to come?
Like that try to find out what are the things they heard.
Like that we try to help them.
Not easy to make a devotee.
Śrīla Prabhupāda said, it takes buckets of blood!
Kṛṣṇe matir astu blessings!
Category: [Anarthās / Māyā], [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Emotions / Confusion]
Sometimes, association with devotees is slackened due to family responsibilities. How to remain enthusiastic in such times ?
Questioner: Phaneśvarī Lakṣmī devī dāsī
Date: 2022-10-17
Jayapatākā Swami: You have not mentioned if you are married and your husband is supportive or not...
If of course, nowadays there is an email, Whatsapp, phone call.
And you can talk to your friends.
In this way somehow have an audio association, or even video with Zoom or Skype
or Whatsapp.
I don’t really understand when someone says, they lack of association.
I heard someone say that, “Some of my friends spend so much time on Facebook.”
I asked, “How long?”
They said,“Eight hours!”
“How long you spend?” “Only three hours!” [Laughter]
So they have three hours to spend in Facebook,
but they say that they don’t have time for association.
And who they associate with on Facebook?
So we are on Facebook and this question and answer is being broadcasted on Facebook.
So any technology can be used in a positive way or negative way.
Sometimes people are giving false news;
sometimes getting positive association.
When I woke up this morning, I remembered how
Lord Caitanya was so merciful!
There is a Locana dāsa’s song:
dekho ore bhāi, tri-bhuvane nāi,
emona doyāla dātā
paśu pākhī jhure, pāṣāṇa vidare, śuni'jāṅra guṇa-gāthā -
that my dear brothers, look at there is no one in the three worlds
as merciful as Nitāi Gaura.
Lord Caitanya made the animals chant, dance and cry.
He melted the stones,
see His fantastic qualities.
So I was just remembering how merciful is Lord Caitanya
and then Locana dāsa says:
saṁsāre majiyā,
rohili poriyā,
se pade nahilo āśa
I am suffering and enjoying in the material ocean of birth and death.
I have fallen there hopelessly.
I have no hope for getting the shelter of the all merciful Nitāi Gauracandra.
I am suffering and enjoying according to my karma.
So, this is sung by Locana dāsa.
So Lord Caitanya is so merciful,
so merciful,
we would have no hope.
But Prabhupāda bought Nitāi Gaura to us;
and They are giving Their mercy out.
And we are thinking, “Oh! How can I get the mercy, this and that; they want to give it… so bad.
He wants to give, He didn’t think, this person is qualified, this one is unqualified—He gives freely to everybody.
Jagāi Mādhāi were evil people.
They committed so many offenses.
Yamarāja, he asked, “How many sins they were cleared from?”
And his clerk said that, “If we put it all through writing it will fill up warehouse after warehouse after warehouse.
We have a team of architects working and design a special hell for them.
Nitāi Gaura freed them all.
Wiped the slate clean!”
Anyone criticized them later on,
He said, it is offensive to bring up a person’s past life.
He is a devotee; we don’t care what he was before.
Lord Caitanya and Nityānanda, They want to give their mercy to you.
Please take it.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Emotions / Enthusiasm], [Sādhanā / Philosophical questions], [Vaiṣṇava Dealings / Association (Sādhu-saṅga)]
There are devotees who are facing lot of problems from their families for doing bhakti. So what should be my answer to them to keep them going?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2023-12-29
Jayapatākā Swami: What should you tell the devotee whose family is giving problem?
Tell them Haribol!
I mean, I don’t know why this family is giving problems to the devotee.
And he asked a question,
how to keep them motivated.
So does that mean that because of the problems offered by the family,
they are not motivated?
I mean, in this material world, we have ups and downs,
and there are ādhyātmika, ādhibhautika, ādhidaivika kleśas.
So we should get some miseries.
So we don’t think that material life is very nice.
Material life is not nice.
There are crazy people who like to cause trouble.
So, some people you chant Hare Kṛṣṇa,
some people you explain things
and some people you ignore things
because what is useful for each person may vary.
One thing is just because of other people
we don’t give up chanting and serving.
If there is some way you can instill enthusiasm in these people,
then do that.
If not, be like Haridāsa Ṭhākura, he was always chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa.
But some children, they somehow made Haridāsa Ṭhākura feel insulted.
They would mock and say Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Kṛṣṇa! Hare!
And then Haridāsa Ṭhākura would chant more,
covering his ears, oh no, Hare Kṛṣṇa! Hare Kṛṣṇa!
So they thought, oh! making fun of him hurts
so they would chant more and more.
So in this way, Haridāsa Ṭhākura was internally very happy
because they were chanting more Hare Kṛṣṇa.
But that was by looking it seems he was suffering.
So what works for each person,
if making a funny face
makes them chant more,
then alright!
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives]
You said that Kṛṣṇa loves us more than our parents. But now at least in my stage I am more affectionate to my parents, my mother, and practically I am able to understand the love of my parents towards me. So how can I understand that Kṛṣṇa loves me more than anyone else?
Questioner: Devotee
Date: 2024-02-10
Jayapatākā Swami: You see, if we take one step to Kṛṣṇa,
He takes ten steps to us.
He is more eager to get us out of this material world.
Then we are to go.
Actually, if you have loving parents, that is also a blessing of Kṛṣṇa.
But being in this material world is due to our misuse of our free will.
Now you have human birth and are born in India.
If you really care about your parents,
if you go back to Godhead,
then eleven generations back and forward
they get a free ticket.
You care about your parents?
You really love them?
Then be a devotee.
That is the way to help them.
Otherwise, what is the use if they have to take birth again and again and again!
Now you are a human being, born in India.
There is no guarantee what your next birth is.
So we are trying to help you
and to help your parents
and help everyone.
Category: [Day-to-day Life / Relatives], [Kṛṣṇa (Godhead)]
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